I know I haven’t blogged anything close to interesting for a really long period of time, and so sorry guys, I know how pissing it is when you open the blog and only crap flied into your face, but well, I am so busy now that I cannot help me and hence this very very long sentence.
Try imagining me saying all that in one breath. Then you will know how busy and tight for time I am.
But out of the millions of assignments I have to do by today which includes:
- Preparing for Chinese Essay
- Studying Chemistry Electrolysis and Completing the worksheets that are as long as River Nile
- Studying Physics Electromagnetism and completing the assginment
- STUPID CME arhhhh why?? Why do you have to do this to me??
- Okay, so IHEE shall be done tomorrow instead, teehee. Sorry teammates. 😀
I decided to squeezed out 45minutes to blog simply because so many interesting things happen of late and if I don’t write it down, it will turn stale and won’t be as funny anymore! :'(
This shall be done, in the list manner again because I do not like beginning a new blog post for each topic anymore than you like seeing 123735623 posts in one day, no?
1. A Decree Has Been Passed
On 17th July 2012, also known as today at this moment here, English Society (my CCA, go ahead and laugh!) has passed a decree:
*Author’s note: Last 2 paragraph are semi-imagined and exist purely for entertainment purposes. Sorry it spoil the fun, but my President in CCA and all the teachers have as much humor as your aqueous humor, which is no humor at all. Sorry for the lame pun. Tahhahaaa.
Therefore, my good townsmen, no lars and lors shall appear from now on in this blog to keep in line with the decree. I shall henceforth speak like this:
Dearest Diar-rhea Blog,Today I saw a butterfly. It was the most charming (no “chio”) and sparkled (no “blingbling”) like the facets of a diamond under the brilliant rays of the midday sun.My heart leapt like a kangaroo who spotted her young (no “I very happy leh!”) and I was on cloud seven, eight and nine! My heart sang like my school’s choir team and I danced around on the fresh green grass like the cow in the Marigold advertisement.Yours Sincerely,
Seriously? You expect me to blog like I am writing a narrative essay arh? No way right! Then like that all my readers will zao liao lor. See see I am blogging in Singlish. Singlish is nice to read and makes my boring life happy. Can you imagine asking your friend, “would you like to eat cha kuay tiao” in British accent? Aiyo cannot like that lar.
Okay, I injected too much Singlish just for the sake of saying that by no means is my blog going to turn into a fake, self-presumptuous blog boasting of wonderful language and such. Pahhhhh!
No one will read this anymore. Not even myself. I would want to gorge out my eyes with a fork each time I read my diary going like, “Thousands of birds, hidden in trees, broke into spontaneous melody”.
=random note to student’s parents: please use your toilets at home, not here. :D=
My my I would give anything to hear my History (Integrated Humanities) teacher and Mrs English engages in an argument over Singlish:
HIS: Singlish provides a sense of identity across all races and religions! With out lars and lors, we will all be divided, divided and divided!
ENG: I beg to differ! Singlish shall be the downfall of our wonderful society on sea! It will wreck us and kill us all!
HIS: NOOOooooooOOO! Without Singlish, we will have less identity!
ENG: Heck identity! We shall aim to speak perfect immaculate English!
HIS: Then this country shall perish under racial riots demanding the return of a common language!!
Maths teacher: (totally random) Integrated we stand, differentiated we fall! (thought of by Jumpy J.)
HIS+ ENG: ?!??!???!!? ._____.//
Okay so that was totally random.
2. Dolphine and her cough
Hey Dolphine! Waves, yes yes it is you! You who sounded like a punctured tyre for two HOLE weeks, rasping like the air gushing out from a prick in the tyre! 😀 Not gonna use your real name to protect you kay? There are some really nasty spammers here. :'(
Anyway, Dol has been having this sore throat for the past week and this week and has been speaking to me in this raspy wispy hiss that sounded like someone just poked a balloon in its pancreas and it leaked air.
She used to be so chatty and her laugh is like super high pitched and funneh! Like, “Kakakkakakkayaaaaa!” Like that lor. Now she can only nod and smile and hiss away like a demure young lady. Sighs.
Gimme my Dol back! The hissy Dol is not as fun since she can’t speak in a sound wave with enough amplitude for my ears and I can’t hear her. But at least her sense of humor is there.
Talking about humor, Dol has a really awesome sense of humor, which is why I love her so much. Sick jokes, crude jokes, mean jokes, jokes on herself or on others, she can take it all. Not to mention that she is totally talented in Language Arts and Science, but that is another story.
On the bus, we were saying how people should not air their armpits esp if they do not bother to shower/ or if they are those people who sweat like it is raining. Dol rasped that guys who don’t shave their armpit hair and like to wear singlets should not grab the hanging arm-grabs (or whatever that thing is supposed to be) because your disgusting hairy armpit is just like sun-tanning there.
Not to mention that it smells really bad. Not that we smell it though.
Can you imagine a ball of fur dangling in front of your face, smelling like poisoned vinegar? You get the picture.
How to deal with such people:
- Place a masking tape on the hair when guy is distracted, then PULL! Hoila! Free armpit hair remover.
- Shave off the whole armpit skin. Too bad. It is your fault for showing it off to the world.
- Pluck it out with a tweezer (for the brave people who have lost their sense of smell). Make sure that the hair breaks and back-lashes for bonus pain. Your own fault again for not keeping your hair to yourself.
To the guys who read my blog, do you guys actually do that too? Coz if you happen to do that to Dol, be prepared for skin-implants.
And there is this lady on the bus today who grabbed my arm by accident, thinking it was a grab-pole. Like really grab! Then she went like, “sorry” in a small voice.
I am flattered. My arms are not that thin.
But still, the virginity of my arm is lost.
Return me my virginity of my arm!
Oh and we got back Bio papers today. Sucked. Sucked even more than the previous one. Arghhhs. Neverminds, I shall just think of my blog becoming famous and revel in that joy. 😀
To end off, I shall quote none other than myself:
“Money makes the world go round, without it, the world would be square.”
That’s all. Shall bathe now that all the hulaboo is gone haha. Yes. I finish this in 50 mins. 😀