A bird shat on my table today.
At school. 🙁
And don’t laugh, it is not funny at all.
HAHAHAHHA OKAY ACTUALLY IT IS QUITE FUNNEH!!!
But then I was so disgusted and traumatized that I wanted the bird dead, no less.
I was looking at this Hwa Chong Musical form thingy that was being passed around when I felt that there was something yucky on the paper. I thought someone dug their nose and place the booze there. Then I saw the front of my table.
My eyes dilated in horror at the sight of the greenish, watery diarrhea of the stupid bird.
I was so traumatized by the multiple puddles of smelly poop that I almost fell head first onto my table and smelt the poop.
Me being me hollered in class:
“OMG A BIRD SHAT ON MY TABLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
Some people looked at me like I had an extra nose on my face.
Some gave me the nonchalant, nonplussed look.
Some gaped and sniggered.
Phiephie burst out into a raucous laughter and laughed and laughed and laughed so hard that her face turned bright pink like an Oinky.
She ran over to my table excitedly to witness the world’s greatest phenomenon, the grossness of bird’s disgusting feces.
It took me fifteen minutes to scrub my table clean with tissues, and with Jumpy J pouring water because Lord, the bird can sure shit sticky shitzzzzz.
Maybe we can use bird shit as glue/adhesive on adhesive tape in the future.
Why? We should go GREEN. (pun intended)
And I realized that the bird came because I placed a bread on my table. The bread was totally gross, like red hot pepper on the bread-skin and hot chilli don’t-know-whats inside. SICK gross. Almost as bad as the shit.
I dumped everything into a bin, washed my hands thoroughly, sat down and felt cross.
And perhaps just a little amused.
During Bio SPA today, I almost died from the gagging smell of AMYLASE.
Amylase smelled like some person’s puke or intestinal juices.
It was like this disgusting brownish red color, and gave off the foulest smell one can imagine.
Have you smelled someone’s vomit before? I did. Two people vomited in my P4 class. The smell was so terrible that I gagged and almost threw up myself, and I was trying my best to squeeze my poor nose into my water bottle to not smell the horrible smell.
The relief teacher scolded ME for being inconsiderate.
OH HO! So I am the inconsiderate one when others are puking over the desk and the concrete floor and tainting the air? I don’t think so.
Personally, I think she is just cross that she had to endure the smell in silence because she is a teacher while I can scrunch up my nose and try to cram my nose as far as it can go into my water bottle to get away from the terrible stench.
I do think I have a right to not smell disgusting smells.
And I refuse to pretend like there is no smell or something and be a moralistic nuisance telling people, “You should not complain, you will hurt the feelings of the vomiter.”
That is just so fake.
Somemore, the vomiter was too busy cleaning up in toilet to feel hurt.
Therefore it is within my rights to escape as much as I can away from the smell.
“Oh you are so inconsiderate.”
Shut up. I can always be considerate, inhale the wonderful scent and puke up as well, and over your blouse some more, want my consideration?
Back to the point about the disgusting amylase.
I think this is how they obtain it:
=before the SPA=
All bio teachers sit together and proceed to make themselves gag and choke to puke up some amylase. Alternatively, drill a hole in their pancreas and hold a beaker there to tap for Amylase. Proceed to filter and electrolyze the smelly liquid collected.
Bingo. There you have it, your own Smelly Amylase.
I think a lot of people wanted to throw up smelling it.
I wanted to, but I didn’t eat breakfast and there was nothing to come out.
Maybe the school should think twice about using smelly stuff like Amylase for SPAs, unless they want some new air-refresheners for the Bio Lab.
My wrist hurts.
Hence, end of my short post. (: