Rant: The Downward Spiral of No Motivation and Guilt

This terrible round-about process begins fairly easily. It just begins one fine day when you are sitting at your desk, staring out of the window at the fluffy white clouds and the canary singing when you are actually supposed to be doing your chemistry papers.

Ahhhh, what a nice day, you thought to yourself as you reluctantly tore your eyes away from the canary which is now nuzzling another canary.

You stare gloomily at your chemistry mock paper, and your mind remains….

Blank
You could be staring at that same question for the past five minutes, but nothing, nothing at all gets into the numb brain of yours. And perhaps after ten minutes, you look up again at the amazingly blue sky, and wondered, “What the hell did I just read?”
Aha!
There, seemingly small, seemingly harmless “zoning out” has begun, and soon it will spiral into something worse if you don’t do something about it.
And the fact is, there is a high possibility that you won’t do something about it, because you will think that the “zoning out” is not a “zoning out” but perhaps just you feeling a little tired, or maybe you deserve a little break.
But after resting and breaking and when you once again try to begin your work, you realize that your heart is not there. And you are possibly even unwilling to move your arms to write down that ionic equation. And so you realized that you had no

MOTIVATION
And that is a very, very terrifying thing indeed.
Without motivation, you  probably can’t do anything productive. And without motivation, you probably won’t even stay up late to do anything.
I am not saying that you CAN’T stay up. I am saying that you WON’T stay up, meaning that you can, but you cannot be bothered anyway. 
Why bother?
So you decided that since you can’t do anything anyway, you might as well do something else, something which you enjoy. Maybe watch a movie? Watch some dramas? Fan-girl over some k-group whose newest hair resemble a turkey?
And so you slack.
Hours later, you realized with a start that you have done nothing. Here comes the 
GUILT
So you try to study. But you realized that there are so much things to study and to do that you can’t possibly finish. You sink into depression and throw yourself into the work. But you know that you won’t survive this. So you don’t feel motivated because you know you are screwed anyway.
So you slack again.
Heck it, you thought.
Guilt knocks on your door and took a seat in the living room.
Motivation wavers.
And finally nothing gets done and you become so depressed that you packaged yourself as a penguin and mailed yourself to one of the poles such that you get eaten by polars if you are unlucky, or become part of the flippy penguin family if you are lucky.
Partly nonsensical, but true. 🙂

kiraknightyy

2 Comments

  1. Hi Kira!

    I received your group message from blogaholics so I wanted to stop by and say hi! I am your newest follower 🙂

    I actually can relate to this post! Trying to find motivation can be hard and crippling! Even when I write some of my reviews for my blog, I will have the notes written out as to what I want to say, but many times I will sit at the computer and just blank out. It happened to me last night and today when I was working on my latest review!

    Anyway, feel free to come visit my blog and follow sometime!

    Best Wishes!

    Mia @ The Muses Circle

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