Okay the title of the post is going to be somewhat misleading – it sounded like I lost all 10kg in one go, which is NOT true, because I lost mine really slowly over the span of roughly 1 plus years. Moreover, sometimes my weight goes back up again and it just stays up there for a really long time before coming back down. So I will share with you my quite stress-free, pain-free weight loss process in three parts:
- Losing the first 4kg (from 62kg to 58kg)
- Maintaining then losing more (58kg to 55kg)
- The final drop (55kg to 51.5kg)
So in this post I will tell you about the problems I faced with my weight when I was 62kg and my mentality then, and what helped and didn’t help me, coupled with some tried-test-and-failed dieting gimmicks! Hey I tried them, so you don’t have to!
I know we always want to see the before and after pictures before everything else right! This is quite embarrassing to even share it, but hey, no shame. Why? I was once like this and all of my friends from JC and below know it, so it is not like I am sharing some new amazing fact about myself. (Plus I have never hesitated to tell any new friends that I was once a plumper person, heh)
The photo above shows me in the time where I was reaching the peak of my weight gain – I think I weighed roughly 61-62kg then, hovering around that weight and if I ever dared to eat anything more, that would be another 1kg gain. To be fair, I think I was so used to myself being fat that after a while I become desensitized to my own fatness, which is why I stll could wear sleeveless shirt and skirts.
Before I go on, I will clarify this: YOU CAN WEAR WHATEVER YOU LIKE, FAT OR SKINNY OR WHATEVER. I am not saying all this to dictate what you should and should not wear based on your size, color whatever (people are really touchy about prescriptivism nowadays). What I am trying to say is that some clothes are more flattering and others are less flattering, and I am the type of person who gets very easily self-conscious about how I look, so it matters to me – although my fashion sense looks highly crippled in the above picture, which it was, actually.
Then the person above is still me, yep in university in 2015 after I have lost a sufficient amount of weight and then gained back some after this picture was taken!
61-62kg: Can’t seem to lose weight
The fattest time of my life (so far) was when I was in JC. I weighed around 61-62kg then and I just can’t seem to lose weight no matter what I did! I hated it when we have to take our weight during our PE lessons because I would always be either the heaviest or second heaviest in class. I also felt highly self-conscious of the fact that I somewhat bulged from my school uniform – my skirt is always cutting into the multiple folds of my stomach fats uncomfortably.
I knew I looked bad, and it sucks to be reminded of it every now and then.
To make matters worse, I didn’t know what to do to lose weight. I google all kind of tips with my still-best friend Chang, and we both tried different “healthy” ways to drop some pounds, but none of them worked. I particularly hated it when my mom gave me the once over and commented on how obese I was.
It stung even more knowing that it is undeniably and painfully true.
Here is the list of things I tried and DID NOT work for me:
a) Slow jogging about 2km every morning 3-4 times a week for 2-3 weeks
I did this with Chang. It drained all of my energy before class and I was DOUBLY hungry during break, and I felt like I had to eat more to compensate myself for working out. I think I lost 0.5kg which was gained back pretty quickly. I also tried to do a morning brisk walk (around 40min) during my June holidays for the whole month, but it did not do anything to help much either. I was just sluggish and tired post walk.
b) Eating salad instead of a normal meal
HCJC school cafe (called “Chill”) used to sell this boxes of salad comprising of baby tomatoes and greens with a hard boiled egg, topped with honey mustard for around $2.50? I don’t like salads but I ate it for roughly a month or so because I felt it was eating “clean” and not to mention that it has much less calories. The best part of this was that my besties then – Chang and Clarissa – both ate the salad with me (Idk why honestly, they were so awesome) and I lost around a kg which was also gained back quickly. Not very useful, and not sustainable because I was starving and I wanted to eat more in the next meal.
c) Fruitarian Diet
God. Chang and my favourite – the fruitarian diet. Basically you can eat any type of fruits you want, but eat mainly fruits without any carb or other greasy, oily stuff. This diet was crazy hard to maintain because fruits bloat you quickly but after a while you become twice as hungry (at least for me). Also, in case you don’t know, bananas are pretty high in calories so eat other fruits rather than banana. I heard grapefruit is the way to go, but I dislike grapefruit, so this diet does not work for me.
To be fair, after I tried all these I was pretty much dejected and just went into a spiral of decline. Like I just ate whatever I wanted and didn’t care anymore. I didn’t like my fats, sometimes I felt really upset and depressed being stuck in my own body and felt super helpless in changing it.
The worst part was when I got upset and I binge eat food. I can eat a very creamy mushroom pasta for break at school then eat a whole set of western food just 2 hours later. I was stressed by the upcoming A-levels, I was stressed about everything and I just ate and ate and ate and ate in a crazy deranged manner as though I am eating all my troubles away.
Before long, I was almost 63kg and my face looks pretty swollen. Sighs.
First Drop of 3-4kg
After A-levels, I went on a month plus long holiday in Shanghai to see my cousin after 2 years of not meeting her as well as my grandparents who lived there. I think I was 62-63kg then.
Before I go on to tell you how I drop it (miraculously), I will tell you about the psychological shame you may face and how to deal with them.
My family is doubtlessly Asian, and as most of you might have read online, Asian parents and grandparents LOVE to exercise this notion of “tough love” where they espouse this view of “beating is loving and scolding is caring”. I would say that such can apply if you are doing something wrong like a moral wrongness, but it is very hurtful where body image is related.
My aunt for one is really blunt. When I met her, she went like, “YY you need to listen to me. You are frightfully obese and your thighs are shockingly huge. Stop eating so much.”
Don’t hate on my aunt – she was right. I was frightfully obese and I HATED HEARING IT because it was the TRUTH. I hated the truth, I hated how I can’t change it. Her words cut into me deeply and for a while because I was so helpless to change it, I hated her too. But I realized she could have not said anything and left me to be, and her blunt words were a form of care. It is difficult to see the truth of her words when it hurts bad, but I have to listen and not let the other emotions get better of me.
I measured myself around my waist etc, and the only measurements I can remember now is my waist was a freaking 30-32inch and my tummy was even bigger at around 33inches maybe?
So what I tried to do was to sleep more and eat less. It was winter then and really cold so I always did not want to get out of bed in the morning. I would sleep till 11am in the morning – effectively skipping breakfast. Then I would eat a good lunch and nap again. When I wake up in the evening, I was too groggy to be fully hungry so I ate a lighter dinner. I also noticed that the bowls in Shanghai was much smaller so I ate smaller portions of rice than I did in Singapore. I went to sleep at 9pm so I didn’t have a chance to eat supper.
#1 Eat smaller portions – use smaller bowls
#2 Don’t eat when you are not hungry
#3 Get enough sleep – 7/8hours daily if possible
Strangely, replacing eating with sleeping helped tremendously. Both of them are equally relaxing activities to me. I realized when I could not sleep in JC, I would eat to compensate myself. Now that I am stress free and get plenty of rest, I did not have to eat as much anymore.
#4 Manage your stress – find a better way to relieve stress like run or read or sleep. Don’t eat out of emotions!
Then I fell sick in Shanghai after feeling ill one day after eating at a tourist attraction. The food wasn’t fresh and I felt so nauseated and sick after that I could not eat dinner plus breakfast next day. The illness made me adverse to most food and I ate even smaller portions as I was afraid of throwing up my food. I couldn’t eat anything oily or too flavourful.
#5 Avoid fried, oily and salty food. Or eat moderately
When I came back to Singapore, I was shocked and thrilled to be 58.5kg. I realized that I was unconsciously controlling my portions and my appetite was significantly decreased when I came back! I didn’t have to eat as much anymore and I snacked much less.
Losing the first 3-4kg also gave me hope – for the first time in my life, I felt like, I can actually lose weight!!!
I was exuberant to be 58kg. I once felt I was never going to be less than 60kg in my life again, and guess what! I had hope!
P.S. For my classmates and friends now who say I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight, now you know it is not true! HAHAHA! But now I do eat more stuff gaining less weight, though I still watch over my weight carefully…
Upcoming post: Maintaining Then Losing More (Going to 55kg)