The morning today began with dull grey skies, dark storm clouds and sheets of rain slashing against my window panes with a certain form of vengeance. I didn’t know why, but despite my lethargy and desire to keep sleeping more, I woke up at 7.30am when my alarm rang.
I spent the next 30 minutes in bed ruminating the glum looking sky and feel the gloom spread from the sky into my soul.
There were always days like this where I felt dark and moody and really, just completely cheerless. I call those my down days, when my system is malfunctioning and one of a down. I tried to remember my excitement and enthusiasm that had marked the past few days – these emotions feel so alien now I wonder if I am even the same person?
Actually, there is no real reason to be glum, as far as legit reasons are concerned. All I had was menstrual cramps, a constant pulling and gurgling sensation in my lower abdomen and a pain that radiated from my lower spine to my sides, blisters in my mouth and a swollen saliary gland. A quick check online always give me two conclusions – cancer and STDs. The possibily of either is probably near zero since STDs first requires S which is completely absent in my life, and as a teen-adult, I feel that I still stick to a relatively healthy diet.
Really, who else eats maggie mee less than 3 times a year? Me!
Thus the illnesses themselves did not bother me, but the pain of it did. Waking early was mild delightful in the sense that I could start working on my schoolwork, but the pain in my abdomen and back kept me from sitting still for long.
It ached. A lot.
The dull throbbing aches fed my growing irritation and at aroun 9am I gave up trying to read and write my notes for my NM2203 and flop back onto bed to watch Kitchen Nightmares instead. I blankly stare at Ramsay go through his routine of insulting the food – “bland”, “disgusting”, “horrifying” – after which he would extend his gracious hand of help. The episode I happen to play was less than interesting, and I lost interest after a while, going back to work.
Sitting back down, the pain started to haunt me again and I was so peeved. Why must I succumb to this stupid dull ache that won’t leave me? I proceed to stretch myself gently then forcefully in an attempt to loosen whatever muscles that could be behind the pain. I was stiff all over and my joints cracked when I stretched.
There is really not much point to this blog entry except that I find writing or typing a really good way to rid myself of any negative vibes. This is why I am exceptionally quiet on days when I am down since I don’t have the spoken words to express how I feel. I don’t actually know how to communicate a negative feeling? Nor do I like communicating a negative feeling.
Tomorrow is definitely going to be a better day since today has hit an all time low for January 2017.