[Author’s Note: Please note that it would be wise for you guys to realise that this post was meant to be published yesterday, but with my mum’s hawk eyes, it can only be done today. 🙁 ]
Today is such a sad day.
I guess that would sound pretty morbid, yet an understatement of the extreme fury I suffered today. So let us start again.
Today is a really disgusting day.
Now, I have come to notice that no one really likes to read morbid posts, not even myself, but I have to tell you that morbid days call for morbid posts, I can’t be funny when I feel like ripping people into tiny little pieces right?
Sometimes I wonder if other people think of me as a real bitch, a bully, a terrible person who has no one but herself in her mind and her heart.
I would think, then I would try to wriggle out of the confines of my body and my mind, and try to scrutinize myself more clearly, all the while asking myself, “Am I really that bad?”
Let me tell you what happened.
KJW, you would have known majority of the story. But maybe you are not reading this because you are angry with me. Maybe you are not angry with me but I just like to “victimize” myself as Jumpy J. puts it.
We had to do this LA presentation on how we want to set up a school if this very rich aunty suddenly decided she wanted to set up a school like like that….person call what? OH yes Oprah Winfrey. And why the hell is Oprah Winfrey NOT a typo but my name is? Such discrimination, tsk. Aya yeah lar, anyway, this rich woman called Lossa Mani (Geddit? Lotsa Money and Lossa Mani?) wanted to set up this school, and we had to do it.
My team had:
I will just shamelessly tell you that Wennie and I did majority of the work, as in Wennie did the research and planning with me, then she churned up the skeleton and the base script, after which Nehceh worked it up quite some, and I edited (tons of the script) and I did the PowerPoint because the Prezi Nehceh did was a bit lengthy and I bet she-who-must-not-be-named would not like it to be that way.
You probably wouldn’t know how much Wennie and I sacrificed, how much blood and sweat we poured in to make this presentation good. I don’t blame you. But I can tell you that when the others were MIA-ing on the first weekend, Wennie was the only one who came to find me on facebook, and discussed the whole plan with me. Then the both of us set to work, researching and reading the materials online while I tried to jot down all of Wennie’s bombastic ideas. I must say that Wennie is a very wise school planner, though chances are that if she really plan a school, all her students will die from lethargy. :O
By Sunday night, Ying Ning and Claris both sent me their parts. If I am not wrong, Nehceh and Jess did not, but I think it was okay, since the presentation was not due that soon.
That is still not the main point of my story. I was still not that mad that I had to do so much, to the extent that I did not go for my Physics Olympiad to complete this darn irritating presentation. Neither did Wennie, but she had piano exams, and she bothered to reply all my smses asking about the presentation when she was at her cryptography talk. (who in the right mind wants to learn about crypto? Oh yeah wait, I do. -___-)
So yesterday (I am typing this paragraph on Saturday), we were supposed to present. I worked really hard memorizing my script since Mrs Tan preferred us not to read from our scripts and instead have more eye contact and really try to sell the idea, so I tried my best to remember my script. Then Wennie and I spent the whole morning remembering and practicing our scripts.
Then Nehceh told us that she did not want to present today.
Actually she did not tell me first, she told Wennie who told me during break when we were with Phiephie. The conversation went like that:
Wennie: Nehceh says she does not want to present today.
Me: =immediately wonders if it’s because Nehceh was sick or no voice?= Huh? Why?
Wennie: She says that she doesn’t know that there is Language Arts lesson today.
Me: =so shocked that I almost choked on my maggie mee= What?!? She never check timetable one meh?
Wennie: Precisely. She says that she thought today got no LA.
Me: =looks at Phiephie for some form of explanation and she could only give me the look like “well you know”= Walao ehs!! We already did majority of it because we knew that she was sick, and so we never ask her to edit anything, and I also redid the powerpoint, then why she does not even prepare her own part?
Wennie: She said she never edit her grammar errors, and she never rehearse.
Me: Like that one orh? I collated the script for you all, I refined it, I did the powerpoint, now, would you like for me to edit your grammar errors and rehearse it for you? =about to blow up in anger=
Wennie: Aiyah! I am damn pissed off lar. Let’s just go rehearse ourselves later.
Me: Yeah okie okie, I am bloody put off. 🙁
Can you believe that at the end of the day, I, who retained my calm and collectedness to the best of my abilities throughout this whole thing was the one who blew up?
I remembered that both Nehceh and Wennie were not happy with each other during the course of the script writing, and they took turns to complain to me about their displeasure. I tried my best to appease them, I really did. I even sincerely listened to their complaints and tried to think of a way that will make both parties happy. I remember when Nehceh complained about Wennie I was telling her that I would go through some of the parts which were more confusing, and hey, let us not let this stupid project spoil our friendship just like that. It wasn’t worth it.
But, surprise oh surprise. It was I who exploded in the end.
It was like I was more and more disturbed, more and more not shuang, until at that very moment, everything just spontaneously combusted within that little box where I tried to lock away all my displeasure.
It was then when Mrs Tan wanted our group to present, and then Nehceh wanted it to be next week, but Wennie and I were uncomfortable because:
- We spent hours and hours practicing. By next week, we would have forgotten what we have memorized, and have to spend another whole load of time re-memorizing. And is it not unfair that more of time has to be wasted just because somebody conveniently “did not know that there was Language Arts lesson”? No wait, is that even a valid argument in the first place? That you did not know? I mean everyone has a timetable, and don’t we all check the lessons to know what to bring the next day? And you “don’t know”? If I ask you what is the sixteen over pi and you say you dunno it is fine, but timetable???? Yooohoooo!!!
- Instead of telling Mrs Tan that she did not know that there was LA today, and therefore did not practice and did not edit her script, she sort of behaved like it was due to her feeling unwell. That is just like…..like not the same reason you told me and Wennie! Like phiephie puts it, maybe you can say, “Because I was unwell, therefore I did not edit or rehearse.” aye?
- Wennie brought her goddamned heavy laptop all the way to school because we all know that there was presentation today. She even downloaded Microsoft 2010 with me so that we can work on the ppt together. And you just say that you didn’t know and people would have to lug it all the way back?
- I did send her and Wennie sms where I panicked because Mrs Tan said that we cannot do it when Jess comes back, so we have to do it this week. Since it was not done on Wednesday and Thursday, it is of course Friday! DUHHHHHH!!!!
- Wennie and I knew that you were sick. Which is precisely why we did all the edits etc etc on our own without enlisting your help, and all you had to do, is really just look at your own script. End of story.
Anyway, when we had our mini confrontation at the front of the class, it was something like that.
Me and Luowen were discussing that we sort of want to have the presentation “today” because otherwise very inconvenient etc etc. Mrs Tan heard it, and Nehceh popped out of nowhere wearing this look of hurt on her face like, how can we overlook her sickness.
Mrs Tan: Oh so you want to present today even though your friend here is sick? [something along this line lar, haiyo. Implying that we should spare a thought for our sick sick friend and not be the horrible meanies that we are]
Note that Nehceh proceed to give two small little coughs though I hadn’t heard her cough all day.
Me: Ummos, actually we did take into consideration that she is sick, because we did all the script and the ppt without enlisting her help. Yeahh….
Mrs Tan gave a quick bob of her head.
[Author’s note: YES I KNOW SHE IS SICK. GAHHHH. So am I. I am sick in the mind and in my stomach. ]
Me to Nehceh: Um you didn’t check the time table? We have LA today, how can you not know?
Nehceh: (in a voice 30 decibels softer than the one she spoke to me in earlier on) Yeah I didn’t know.
Me: (seething internally) To think that I smsed you some more.
Nehceh (innocently): Huh? What sms? =hurt lamb look= I didn’t receive it.
Me: Never mind never mind whatever. (cannot be bothered to argue anymore)
Mrs Tan: So are you are presenting today? Your friend here is sick. (something along that line lar)
Me: Nevermind lar.
Nehceh: (in a small small voice and looking very weiqu) If you guys want, then let’s present today lar.
Nehceh: But if you all want, then I nevermind, let’s present today.
WALAO EH! Cut the acting can! One moment ago you are the one who wanted it postponed. Now in front of teacher, act like you are the one who is being bullied into presenting today even though you =cough= poor voice cannot take it. I was so angry that I saw red.
Red Mrs Tan.
I hate how after doing all the work, Wennie and I suddenly became the bitches who ain’t give no shit about their poor friend’s well-being. How is it that us being responsible and remembering to rehearse our script and hence wanting to present, can be something wrong? Suddenly we were like the villians bullying the damsel in distress. Suddenly it seemed like we were the unreasonable ones.
To make matters worse, when I was recounting the incident to Jumpy, she asked, “Eh, so you want to present today so that Nehceh can do badly lar.”
I was so shocked, so wounded that all my breath left me in one traumatized gasp. Was that the way I always presented myself to be? A bitchy, heartless fellow who wished for the ultimate “demise” of others, despite them being sick?
My anger turned into this cold, leaden weight that caught itself in my heart and refused to budge. How…? How could something turn out like this?
After doing so much, spending so much time, putting in so much effort, eventually what I received is not the approval or the pat on the back, but looks of disappointment and my (and Wennie’s) supposed “heartlessness”?
When the presentation was about to begin, Mrs Tan got all our classmates to move forward so that Nehceh did not need to strain her voice. That was nice, maybe next time we can extend this kindness to to Mazz (Qiqi) too? She is so small and naturally small voiced. Maybe we can help her too?
Anyway, according to Wennie and Phiephie, both of them told me that when Mrs Tan asked everyone to move in front, Nehceh proceeded to give two very small coughs. Wennie told me it was sorta fake, and from the way I heard it, it felt fake too. Like haiya, don’t be like that can? I nominate you for Oscar award already, so let us all stop this, kay?
I sound like a real bitch right now.
And by the way, bitch is not a vulgarity. It is an animal. Like if I say, I sound like a real tree right now, and I said it with vehemence, people will assume “tree” to be a vulgarity too.
That was yesterday.
Today is much better.
So let us put that sad memory to an end, and start a fresh post of happy little things in life. (: