20 Reasons Why Fifty Shades Trilogy Is Not Nice

Book Review

Fifty Shades Trilogy, originally a fanfic of….Twilight. .__.

Can I just call this a (requested) book review? Since the pdf of the books were sent to be to be read and this was requested to be reviewed, and saying that it is requested does make me less pervertic, no?

The Fifty Shades Trilogy includes:

  • Fifty Shades of Grey
  • Fifty Shades Darker
  • Fifty Shades Freed

I shall now tell you TWENTY reasons why this book is not something you want to spend hours reading:

  1. Salacious, salacious, sardonic, sardonic, salacious and more SARDONIC. All the time. Throughout the whole book it seemed like everyone was salacious or sardonic at some point of time. So you ask, what exactly is salacious? Salacious has a sexual reference, something like leering (according to dictionary). Sardonic just mean sarcastic. So why no switch out the sardonic for a good dash of SARCASTIC?
  2. Ana and Christian cannot hold a proper conversation with each other without end up shagging. Which is entirely unbelievable, irritating and unhealthy. When they quarrel, SUDDENLY electricity charged between them, arhhh they become hyper aware of each other, yay we are all aroused, and SHAG. Seriously? Everything ends up with them in bed, whether it is quarrel, fight, argument or just having lunch.
  3. The irritating MURMURING and WHISPERING. Christian and Ana do not talk at the right volume—-they murmur half the time, growl the other half, moan and groan the rest of the time. Let’s put this across, I hate people who murmur.
  4. The sex scenes are dead boring, after the first 2 or 3. I yawned at each one and flip through them at the speed of lightning.
  5. In Fifty Shades Darker, the sex scenes were hilarious. Boathouse? No problem! Ceremony with everyone around? Yeah! Bring it on!
  6. “When I woke up in the morning, Christian was wrapped around me like a vine/ivy” This sentence was repeated at least million over times in the course of the 3 books. What happened to creativity?
  7. Oh~~~ my Fifty Shades. My poor Fifty Shades. That is just plain irritating whenever Ana does that.
  8. Shades, shades, shades. Christian is fifty shades of grey. Ana is what? 10 shades of red? Have her done 7 shades of Sunday? Everything also have some reference to shades.
  9. These books, in short, are book porn. And I just tainted my mind further by reading it.
  10. Whenever I get excited over some emotional parts between Ana and Grey like in Darker, where Christian knelt and begged her not to leave, WAAAAAAAAHHHBAAAAM! They are aroused and went off to have sex. Whenever I am happy that they are finally communicating, they are whispering and going like, “I can take you right now.” :(((((
  11. Food and Hunger. “I am hungry, but not for food.” repeated several thousand times.
  12. “Christian’s eyes darkened“, “his eyes lit up”, “his eyes burned into me”, “his eyes were dark and hooded”. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? What are his eyes? Light bulbs? A little of the eyes are fine, but it seemed like Christians’ eyes have become an indicator for everything.
  13. The sex scenes are repetitive and boring. Always the same stuff.
  14. I think the first part of Freed was repeated somewhere in the middle of the book.
  15. Ana keeps biting her lips. And Christian kept freeing it. That made up 50% of their kinky adventures. The other 50% consisted of Christian going, “Don’t bite your lip, you know what it does to me.”
  16. Christian spends majority of his time stalking, smsing and emailing Ana. Where did his money come from? Washed in by the tide? For someone so rich, he sure is free.
  17. Helicopter!?! There is a first. Cars, motorbikes, jets, cruisers. NOW HELICOPTERS!!!
  18. I cannot imagine how either of them looks like. Poor description or poor imagination, you decided. But I have to tell you that I can imagine Edward Cullen before watching the movie, and Bella Swan too.
  19. Seems like no one does anything here but have sex. 75% of the book is kissing and sex. And neither of the grown-ups have one dollop of self-control.
  20. Jumpy J. thinks that Ana has a low threshold for pain. I think she is ironic. She wants the pain, yet she screams and cries and stuff. How is that? ._______.

Anyway, to be very very fair to the writer, the start of the second book where Ana and Grey are considering whether they should reconcile, also the part where Grey knelt down are really quite well written and it induced much emotions in me. I like how there is the breach of trust, doubt and uncertainty involved and how the parties are in love but afriad to be wounded at the same time. Also, I thought that in Book 3, the part where Ana went on the rescue mission was much better than their usual “kinky fuckery” as they called it, because the incident highlights the care and concern the couple have for each other and the high degree of importance they have for each other in their hearts. It was really touching and heart-warming to see how much Christian cared despite his callousness to Ana after she was confirmed to be pregnant. 

If you are planning to read it, you can probably buy the book or download a free ebook? Unless I know you, otherwise don’t ask me to email it to you okay! :O Okay if you subscribe to my blog I may consider. 😀

I was thinking that you all shouldn’t read it since it was not very nutritional in the first place.

    And I don’t feel like writing anymore. My pinkie hurts.

    If you want more reviews on how this book is not worth your time, read these:
    50 reasons why I won’t be reading 50 shades of grey
    50 shades of grey AWESOME review!

    Okay, end of post. (:

    kiraknightyy

    2 Comments

    1. Hi! I came across your site on BSN and think it's quite unique! Despite the fact that I actually AM a fan of the 50 Shade of Grey trilogy, I must admit that Amazon review was HILARIOUS LOL Thanks for sharing 🙂

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